South Asian culture dictates that to be to successful you either have to be a doctor, lawyer or engineer. And if you do aspire to be a writer, you better have a book published or something written up in the NYTimes even though you’ve only been out of school for three years!
This is, of course, according to my mother.
So, where do I fall? I don’t consider myself unsuccessful as of yet because I’m still climbing those steep steps to achieve my goals. Do I wish I could’ve done a lot of things differently while in college? Yes. Do I think I underestimate myself? Yes. Have I slacked off in the past? Yes. Have I been an underachiever? Yes. Am I going to make it my goal to turn all these yes’s into no’s?
I might have been a little hasty with my statements in my last post. Feeling desperate in this economy and under my circumstances isn’t so surprising, but things have been looking up.
I found a freelance position at a great magazine website for another month or two. I will be helping them work on their redesign. My ex-employer also wants me to write stories for the site on a regular basis. It’s tough being a freelancer, especially starting out and I tend to lose my patience quickly. But, there’s always a silver lining.
After a few conversations with my mother recently, I realized she truly is proud of me and what I do. She frets over the fact that I struggle so much and she wishes I had picked something easier. It’s definitely nice to know that I do have her support.
My relationship, is yes, still disintegrating. I’d rather not get into the specifics of why it’s ending, but I can no longer prolong the enevitable. D. has been sending me flowers, calling me, making me promises that we both know very well that he won’t be able to keep, which makes it really hard for me to stand my ground. One of my biggest fears has always been to end up a divorcee but I keep telling myself that I am young and have lots of time to find a good life partner. It’s better to wait for someone truly special than to stick to someone just because of familiarity.
Out of all the uncomfortable work situations I’ve ever been in, this has to be the worst.
The company heads called each person in individually today to discuss the terms of their contract and employment. The ditzy fashion editor was let go, the editorial assistant was given a choice of accepting her position as a glorified secretary or leaving, the new managing editor (who I helped produce a work flow) was secured, and me–the Associate Producer/Editor have no clue where I stand.
They brought me in, told me how amazing I was and that they appreciated all my hard work and that tomorrow they would discuss with the managing editor how much content the site will actually producing. Then, they will decide if they will keep me on or not. In all my excitement over this new position, I forgot that I was basically on a three-month contract that ends next week. I automatically assumed that because of all the work and time I was putting in at the website, I would automatically be kept around.
Don’t count your chickens before they hatch, folks.
They told me not to get ‘anxious’ because they hadn’t made their decision yet. How could I not be anxious?!? I was potentially losing my job, one that I liked and was fairly comfortable with. They had given me the smoke signals without telling me what they meant. So, now I should wait around until they give me a clear-cut answer.
Getting laid off from two jobs back to back? I don’t think I can handle it.